it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
