Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
