I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
