Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
