Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
