Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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