You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
