Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
