we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
