Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
dude. I can hear the air.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize