Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize