I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
