My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
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