im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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