Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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