Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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