I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
