Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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