I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize