I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
