Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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