her vagine was all disorganized.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
