i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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