walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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