TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
