You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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