do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
