i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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