So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
