Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
