Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
