I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
