are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
