Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
