He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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