I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
