you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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