i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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