Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize