Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
