you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
