so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
false alarm, still single
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
