it wasn't lemon gatorade
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
