dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm at about main and main street
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
