This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
