your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
