Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
