You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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