she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ladies don't puke and tell
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
