Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
