Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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