I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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