whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
