i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
