He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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