Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
