direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
