I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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