Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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