ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
