I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
