Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
