I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
