she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
