also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
