My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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