Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
