just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
