Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So. Much. Porn.
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