We're facebook friends in real life
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
