im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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