But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
