so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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