this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
