I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
