ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
