"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
