I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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