Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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