I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
