I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
